The Dirt On 'The Dirt' Is Not... Well, SIXX Is Trying

Today's post is from our friend HIM. 

History is filled with holy grails, valiant searches for a brass ring, and tilts at imagined windmills. Add to that list this never-ending (though often dormant) quest to get a movie version of The Dirt made.

Recently, Nikki Sixx (the alive undead founder of the best band ever, SIXX:AM), had this titillating update on his Eldorado:

 

Does anyone really want this film to be made at this point? The Blabbermouth article reads like a tattered provocation that someone once found exciting. And, yet, there are still some fanboys who find this idea intriguing. Why? What possible good will come out of a movie based on this book? Who, exactly, would be the target market? Crue fans. Okay, you just filled several small venues in several different places for one weekend. And IMAX would have a field day with Neil or with Sixx’s ego.

 

But the laughs (wait, are you crying?) don’t stop there. Is this possibly the metal version of Straight Outta Compton? Of course it isn’t. Is it the stage-setting debut of unknown actors bringing to life a band that huffed and puffed to an end, while still “going out on top”? Of course it isn’t. You are facing a movie of Cameron-esque proportions. I don’t mean James. I mean Kirk.

 

This is an Alan Smithee film in the making. It is a project that, true to the source material, is getting passed around like so many groupies. There was no time when this book would have made a good film. Even a Jackass can see that (see what I did there?). But Sixx wants to float this boat in the imaginary lake of his grandeur, swimming against the tides of commonsense and logic. Why? Because it keeps him in the spotlight and allows him to, Bach to the Future-style (see what I did there?), remind people of a time when his band mattered. Do you really think Mars cares about this? Or Lee? Or even Neil at this point? Answer: no. Why? Because they—all of them—probably have a firmer grasp on the nature of reality, no less the machinations of Hollywood, than Sixx does. And when I say that with “Neil” in a sentence, I am being pretty serious.

 

For fans of the Crue who long for an unrealistic version of the band they love(d), I would suggest watching the DVD of The End tour. Good camera angles. Piped in vocals. Nostalgia. It’s all there. And you can watch it at home. Hell, just go to YouTube. Spoiler alert: Lee gets stuck (which is, in a sense, 'on top')!

Comments

[Allyson]

I literally did LOL at the Kirk Cameron reference!

[Bkallday]

The amount of hate that the almighty Crue gets on this site, is absolutely astounding. Attempting to portray the Crue as just another Slik Toxic or Warrant, as HIM is here, is even more pathetic. The Crue was huge at one time, regardless of whether HIM wants to admit it or not. I'm sure HIM was a huge fan of grunge and therefore had a huge hatred for bands like the Crue, but that means absolutely zero. If they were so irrelevant as HIM wants you to think, why would they had still been filling arenas? I know Sixx is a loudmouth lil turd bitch, but in no way is HIM right, when he tries to frame the Crue as some one hit wonder, or some miserable act like the David Lee Roth band. This site is a supposed glam site and for as many ppl to bash them around here, like they do, just leaves me absolutely speechless. If you hate the Crue that much yet still consider yourself a glam fan, I suggest listening to such deep cuts as Save Our Souls, Louder than Hell, She Goes Down, Knock Em Dead Kid, etc...then come back and try again!

[Gary]

I'm pretty sure I peed a little in my pants laughing reading that Kirk Cameron reference.....

[Kixchix]

I for one would love this The Dirt movie. I also think there is a market for widespread release.

Make it well with a good story (we all know it's a crazy story, but we need some meat (not just Tommy's). Remember the faux priest flick Rock Star, Almost Famous? All eye and ear candy for this fan.

Get it done Nikki!

[Kixchix]

Bk. I love DLR band. I don't feel the hate you refer. Sixx polarizing dude, Neil got away with manslaughter, Lee is a former tabloid star and Mars is Mars.

They are lethal, immortal and legendary. Roll with it. You cool too!!!

[Ace Steele]

Damn, HIM... that was really well written ! As someone who love the double entedre' , this was food for the soul.... Brava !!!!!

[Cyrus Alderwood]

I love and miss glam metal, and was always a big fan of Motley Crue (although they gave me the most disappointing live show of my life on the Dr. Feelgood tour in Johnson City, TN). But I doubt that this will go over very well at all. Crue is legendary. Just leave it at that. Hope they can this project and just leave well enough alone. I'll still be listening to them for years to come anyway.
--Cyrus

[Metalboy!]

Hey, done right, this could be a helluva movie.

It's the script and the casting that are crucial to making the difference between a rabid fan's curio vs. a universal success.

p.s. Hilarious as usual, HIM! Kurt Cameron, indeed. One can wonder how it would turn out manned by someone like Cameron Crowe (see what I DID there?) but, as you alluded, who the h*ll is Sixx gonna find to direct it besides Alan Smithee?, haha!!

[Bkallday]

"Legendary" is the word. Suck on that, HIM & Ace. Bwhahahahaha

[Him]

Bkhaveityourway, at least approach me with a degree of respect and a measure of depth. When you call "She Goes Down" a "deeper cut" you are whiffing at bleachers where only you and cardboard cutouts of you stand waiting to faux-clap for your latest barrage of blather. You really do seem to focus in on very specific things . . . that no one wrote. And then you launch your tirade against them.

I love the Crue (thus, I wouldn't call the aforementioned song a "deeper cut"). Never said they were irrelevant (not even in previous discussions on this very site, with you). Also liked grunge. We actually seem to agree on the Sixx point, but that is beside the point to you? And the DLR Band thing? Not sure what is going on there. Did he once look at you and yell, "She's A Woman"?

My hunch? You are doing a version of the Blotz thing (I think we all know what that is). Which is totally cool, esp. since we have agreed on quite a few (well, a handful) of things recently and you made me laugh on occasion. You are working your typing muscles, flailing about, having a good time. Keep at it, Bkhaveityourway. But you might want to rework the ingredients in your body-building shake. Like I said, Blotz. Nuff sed.

I can see why _some_ fans would want to see this. Truly. But I can't really see a larger market for it. When you factor in all it would take to "do it right" (and that is with a lot of "what ifs" and "perhapses" added to the mix), I don't think it would truly capture the band that most of us love or the genre of music which they more than helped to achieve mainstream success. But that is just my opinion.

[Metalboy!]

HIM, hate to side with BKTrollAllDay here, but it really could be a h*lluva movie, as I said before. Done right, it could reach beyond the fan base and pull in an audience who may never have heard of Mötley Crüe or possess only a passing knowledge of them.